Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
