Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
