You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
