i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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