honey bunches of taint.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
