your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
