I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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