hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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