Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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