Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
