My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
