When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
