My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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