just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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