He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
