I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
