4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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