Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
