Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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