I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need to calm my uterus...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
