Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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