i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
