omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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