her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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