I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
