I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
