your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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