we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
