I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
