i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
