just tell him i said nine months
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
