i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you had me at cake vodka
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
