I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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