u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
