you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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