My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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