yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
