I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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