I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
