A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
