I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have aggressive nipples.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
