I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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