I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
