Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize