If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
