seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
