i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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