P.S. I can't hear my feet
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
