Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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