my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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